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-Epigrams

von Herbert Kuhner am 20. September 2020 um 0:31
Veröffentlicht in: Epigrams

Epigrams

The fair sex is indeed fair
but by no means fair.

To love madly usually means
your heart will be broken
in one way or the other.

An erotic ascent to Heaven
is often followed
by an emotional descent to Hell.

You started off as the love of her life
and ended up as an interlude.

In love there are ecstatic moments
but the end invariably comes with a bang.

You’ve been smitten
and then left it the lurch –
that’s the breaks of the game.

Love hurts.
There always seems to be a price to pay
for paradisiacal moments.

You’ll get over it.
You just have to live long enough!

Love turned sour
is the worst kind of being sour.

A dream come true
can turn into the worst nightmare
of your life.

Women give you little pleasure
in one region
and a big pain in another.

The only way to became immortal
is to die in your prime.

Beauty fades and begetting it
is a risky business.
A beautiful princess
and a handsome prince
Should leave things be
and die young.

Only by dying young
can you become eternal.

A beautiful woman who is boring
becomes less and less beautiful
when she bores you.

A woman who may be a bit on the plain side –
but is lively,
becomes ever more attractive
as she goes along.

Women who fall short of being beautiful
can be so appealing,
much more so than beautiful women.
Slight facial flaws can be utterly endearing.

Because man comes from a certain place,
he thinks everything comes from there.
– Alceus

Man wants to return
to the place he came from,
and he can succeed – at least partially.

Reality can destroy the dream;
why shouldn’t the dream destroy reality?
– George Moore

Once the ice is broken,
you can no longer skate on it.

There’s something
gamey about the act,
but when you’re on Cloud Nine,
it’s all sugar and spice.

Only the emotional element of passion
can cancel out that banality of the act.

There are two things that cannot be depicted –
a rose and sexual organs,
a rose because it is too beautiful
and sexual organs because they are too ugly.
It is the miasma of desire that makes them appealing.

It’s not as if it’s so wonderful:
sex is just like going to the lavatory.
– The romantic Lady Nancy Astor

I am the kind of woman I would run from.
– Nancy Astor on Lady Astor

There are two things that cannot be depicted –
a rose and sexual organs.
A rose because it is too beautiful,
and sexual organs because they are too ugly.
It is the miasma of desire that makes them appealing.

Love has pitched its mansion
on the place of excrement.
– W.B. Yeats

I like the female anatomy as is
and have no wish for revision.
If there is a Creator, kudos are due.

Let us thank religions!
By declaring sex as sinful,
they have even made it more appealing.

If you take the sin out of sex,
You take the fun out of it.

 

more Epigrams are here

-Hitler Meets the Mufti and Otto Mühl

von Herbert Kuhner am 26. August 2020 um 3:22
Veröffentlicht in: Polemics, Politics, Satire

Hitler & the Mufti

According to the eminent historian, Bibi Netanyahu, Adolf Hitler did not have murder in mind concerning the Jews. He merely intended to rob them and expel them. But after Poland provoked Germany and started World War II, the borders were sealed.

In a speech before the World Zionist Congress in Jerusalem, Bibi described a meeting between Hitler and the Mufti of Jerusalem in November of 1941.

Hitler and the Mufti

“Hitler didn’t want to exterminate the Jews at the time, he merely wanted to expel them. He got the idea from the Mufti. Haj Amin al-Husseini said, “If you expel them, they’ll all come here.” “So what should I do with them?” Hitler asks. ‘Burn them!’ the Mufti replies.” [1]

“What a splendid idea, Haj old boy!” says Hitler, Why didn’t I think of that?!

Thank you, Bibi, for filling us in. We will now set about revising history.
‘Cause we thought it was Hitler’s idea.

 

Hitler & Otto Mühl

Nineteen-year old Otto Mühl was the chauffer of Robert Berhardis, who was one of the anti-Hitler plotters of the July attempt on Hitler’s life in 1944.

Hitler gave orders that the young chauffer was to be brought to him.

“Young man, I am going to spare you. I have a task for you. I want you to transform our art so that it will become truly representative of our spirit. We have attuned it to inspire our petit bourgeois adherents. It is now an antiseptic and puerile depiction of diligence.

I want you to transform it so that it represents the true spirit of our movement with all that it entails.
I know that you will do your best in this momentous task and that you will succeed in it with National Socialist honors.“

 

Otto Mühl’s Credo

“The Friedrichshof Lord’s Prayer
Long live the whole!
I must resist temptation to sin against the whole
in sex as well as with my belongings
and in thought and deed.
Everything must be for the good of the whole.
I will terminate the program
that has been impressed on me
by strange ethical persons
and transform it into a social program
that is for the good of the whole.
I think, work, act and feel
exclusively for the whole.
Without the whole I am nothing.” [2]

 

painting by Otto Muehl

 

Hitler trifft den Mufti & Otto Mühl

 

Hitler und den Mufti

Laut dem bedeutenden Historiker Bibi Netanyahu hatte Adolf Hitler keinen Mord an den Juden im Sinn. Er wollte sie nur ausrauben und ausweisen. Doch nachdem Polen Deutschland provoziert und den Zweiten Weltkrieg begonnen hatte, wurden die Grenzen versiegelt.
In einer Rede vor dem zionistischen Weltkongress in Jerusalem beschrieb Bibi ein Treffen zwischen Hitler und dem Mufti von Jerusalem im November 1941.
„Hitler wollte damals die Juden nicht ausrotten, er wollte sie nur ausweisen. Die Idee hatte er vom Mufti. Haj Amin al-Husseini sagte: „Wenn Sie sie ausweisen, werden sie alle hierher kommen.“ „Also, was soll ich mit ihnen machen?“ Fragt Hitler. „Verbrenne sie!“, Antwortet der Mufti. [3]
„Was für eine großartige Idee, Haj alter Junge!“ sagt Hitler, warum habe ich nicht daran gedacht?!
Vielen Dank, Bibi, dass Sie uns informiert haben. Wir werden uns nun daran machen, die Geschichte zu überarbeiten.
Weil wir dachten, es sei Hitlers Idee.

 

Hitler und Otto Mühl

Der neunzehnjährige Otto Mühl war der Chauffeur von Robert Bernardis, der am 20. Juli 1944 Attentat auf Adolf Hitler beteiligt war.
Hitler gab den Befehl, den jungen Chauffeur zu ihm zu bringen:
„Junger Mann, ich werde dich schonen. Ich habe eine Aufgabe für dich. Ich will, dass Du die deutsche Kunst verwandelst, sodass sie repräsentativ für unseren wahren Geist wird. Wir haben sie abgestimmt, ja veredelt, um unsere bürgerlichen Anhänger zu inspirieren. Heute ist sie eine antiseptische und kindliche Darstellung des menschlichen Fleißes. In der Zukunft soll sie den wahren Geist unserer Bewegung zeigen. Ich weiß, dass Du dieser bedeutsamen Aufgabe gewachsen bist und sie erfolgreich realisieren wirst.“

 

Otto Mühls Credo:

Das Friedrichshofer Vaterunser

Es lebe das Ganze
Ich widerstehe der Versuchung,
gegen das Ganze zu sündigen,
Sowohl in der Sexualität, als auch im Besitz,
Sowohl auch in meinem Denken und Handeln,
Alles was ich tue, ist auf das Ganze gerichtet,
Ich werde mein Programm, das ich von fremden,
ethischen Menschen aufgeprägt bekam, auflösen.
Und in ein soziales Programm im Sinne
des Ganzen umfunktionieren.
Ich denke, arbeite, handle und fühle
nur für das Ganze.
Ohne das Ganze bin ich ein nichts. [4]

 

 

[1] haaretz.com, Oct. 21, 2015.
[2] Andreas Schlothauer, Die Diktatur der freien Sexualität, p. 9.
[3] haaretz.com, Oct. 21, 2015.
[4] Andreas Schlothauer: Die Diktatur der freien Sexualität, S. 9.

 

paintings by Otto Mühl

 

 

-Peter Handke and Srebrenica

von Herbert Kuhner am 11. August 2020 um 23:47
Veröffentlicht in: Polemics, Politics, Text

Herbert Kuhner

Peter Handke and Srebrenica:
Handke Quote, mistranslated

Peter Handke said: „Schieben Sie sich Ihre Betroffenheit in den Arsch!“
This has been mis-translated as “You can shove your corpses up your ass!”

My translation: Shove your dismay up your ass!

 

Handke on the Mothers of Srebrenica

Die Mütter von Srebrenica:
“Überhaupt, diese sogenannten ‚Mütter von Srebrenica‘: Denen glaube ich kein Wort, denen nehme ich die Trauer nicht ab. Wäre ich Mutter, ich trauerte alleine. Es gab die Mütter von Buenos Aires, sehr richtig, die hatten sich zusammengeschlossen und die Militärdiktatoren gefragt, was mit ihren Kindern geschehen ist. Aber diese billige Nachahmung ist scheußlich. Es gibt die Mütter von Buenos Aires, und das genügt.“

Handke’s comment of on the Mothers of Srebrenica in my translation:
“Let me add, these so-called ‚Mothers of Srebrenica‘: I don’t believe a word they say, I don’t believe their grief. If I were a mother, I would grieved alone. There were the mothers of Buenos Aires, quite right, they united and asked the Military Dictators what happened to their children. But this cheap imitation is hideous. There are mothers from Buenos Aires, and that’s it! “

 

Nobelpreis-Literatur-Medaille

 

Elfriede Jelinek:

„Ich glaube, dass der Mensch schlecht ist,
das ist mein Evangelium, und ich meine,
dass man ihn zügeln muss,
weil er sich sonst wie die letzte Ratte verhalten würde.“

“I believe that man is evil; that is my gospel,
and I believe that he must be controlled,
otherwise he’ll behave like a lowdown rat.”

 

Still Looking

I’m still turning the pages of history,
trying to find a benevolent dictator.
– H.K.

 

Artistic Endeavor

I could well envision that murder could be
a component of a work of art; the artist’s accountability
would have another status…Thus, art can consist of a crime.”
Killing was and is beyond all moral judgments.”
– Hermann Nitsch

“Blasphemy, obscenity, charlatanism, sadistic excesses, orgies,
the aesthetics of the cesspool are our moral means.
That includes rape and murder. Murder is an integral part of sex.
It will soon become an ethical necessity to rob banks
and to shoot a random cripple down.”
– Otto Mühl, Actionist

“One of the women, who is now 29 years old, describes
how Mühl forced her to engage in sexual actions
with him in front of the leadership of the commune
at the age of five.”
– Der Spiegel, March 1, 2004

Otto Mühl Exhibit in the Museum of Applied Arts, Vienna,
March 3 – May 31, 2000:
“Otto Mühl: Life/Art/Work/
(Original MAK title: Life as a Work of Art)

Otto Mühl’s art and life are sold as an entity.
His deeds are part of the sales pitch.

 

Failure and Success

Adolf Hitler may have failed as an artist of the easel, but in the cruelty category his reputation is unchallenged, according to the staggering amount of his crimes?

At the time, the time he sought to be somewhat secretive about his deeds. Inhumanity had not yet been declared as an art form. Belatedly, today, according to current “creative” precepts and concepts, his artistic career
had not been interrupted at all. He not come upon the idea of simply latching onto his painter past by declaring his gory deeds as creative acts.

Today, Austrian artists commit violent acts in the name of art.
Belatedly, the most famous Austrian will also go down in history
as the greatest artist in all time.

Otto Mühl, who expressed his admiration for our hometown-Braunau-boy, formed his Commune on Third Reich guidelines and has had his life declared as a work of art by the Museum of Applied Arts in Vienna.

 

New!

The new fascism will not
declare itself as fascism,
but rather as anti-fascism.
– Ignazio Silone

 

It’s a Topsy-Turvy World

“There are alternate facts.”
– Kellyanne Conway,
(not Eric Blair, alias George Orwell)

Truth isn’t always truth.
It is somebody’s version of it.!”
– Rudy Giuliani
(What a lovely way to describe lies!)

The truth has one voice.
Lies are ventriloquism.
– H.K.

 

Changing the Past

Who or what can change the past?
Not even the One They Pray To can do that.
The act completed in the last fraction of a second
is both fact and history.

As the Bard says through Lady Macbeth:
“What’s done cannot be undone.” (5.1. 63-4).

Balderdash!

You can wash it all away
and start out again with a clean slate.

You don’t have to be hampered by facts.
and dogged by unflattering history?

You don’t always have to resort to out-and-out lies;
half-truths will do the trick.

There’s nothing chivalrous about killing civilians.
It’s not anything to be proud of.

But if, God forbid, it has happened, don’t dwell on it,
and do your best to prevent others from dwelling on it!

Life is much more enjoyable
if you have an honorable past.
And if you don’t have one,
you can create one.

Why be burdened by past events?
Just put them out of mind –
and erase all records!

The Turks have deleted the genocide of the Armenians
from the Twentieth Century,
and the Third Reich Revisionists
have transformed the concentration camps
into idyllic recreation centers.

Don’t fret! Just take their examples!

 

The High Art of Creative Cruelty

During the closing stages of the Great War
(which was the forerunner to an even Greater War),
the Turkish authorities indulged in what is referred to
as the Armenian Genocide. The motivation for this event
was their alleged lack of loyalty to the Turkish State –
so the Armenians had it coming to them.

Denial seems to be the Turkish manner of dealing
with these historical proceedings.

When journalists and authors attempt to bring attention
to these past events, they risk being sent to Kingdom Come.

The perpetrators did not engage in simple barbarism,
but rather in the high art of creative cruelty.
They were masters in finding unique ways
of causing their victims to suffer before relieving them with death.

The Soviets, on the other hand, simply executed their victims,
starved them or worked them to death. This is simply
primitive, unrefined murder. Killing was quick, starving was relatively slow
and slave labor was supposed to last for as long as a victim could last.
That’s simply not creative.

The National Socialists were influenced by their Turkish counterparts,
and they carried on the tradition with numerous innovations.

The Ustascha made great efforts to outdo their Nazi allies
and indeed barely succeeded.

The Japanese, not to be left on the sidelines, hit the mark
in Nanking and elsewhere.

The French in Algeria did a good job of emulating the Germans
they had previously fought. (Actually the Vichy Government
was an ally of Nazi Germany, not her foe.)

Graduates of the School of the Americas in Fort Benning, Georgia
practiced the fine arts on South American lefties and liberals
with the assistance of Henry Kissinger and the benediction of Pope John Paul.

Ratko Mladić and Radovan Karadžić, a poet lauded by Peter Handke,
did a splendid job of mass murder. Slaughtering 8,000 men and boys
is no simple matter, but they and their henchmen did it without balking
or flinching. Imagine, the gravesite was as high as a small mountain
or as deep as a quarry.

The high art of cruelty lives today, and thanks to the original
Twentieth Century perpetrators, their beneficiaries carry on

in the tradition internationally.

 

Squeamish?

Regretfully, sometimes perpetrators are squeamish about
having committed barbaric deeds. They have the wrong attitude.

Why pray, be ashamed? There is nothing to be ashamed of.
These perpetrators are artists in the true sense of the word.
Innovators should always be proud.

Let us laud them and spread the good word!

 

Addendum:

Japanese Right-Wingers are attempting to wipe
the Massacre of Nanking from the slate of history.
Kudos are due to these purifiers.
Way to go, guys!

Nanking Massacre: ‚The Forgotten Holocaust‚ by Sarah Mah

 

Peter Handke und Srebrenica

Peter Handke sagte:
„Schieben Sie sich Ihre Betroffenheit in den Arsch!“

This has been “mis-translated” to
“You can shove your corpses up your ass!”

My translation:
Shove your dismay up your ass!

Die Mütter von Srebrenica:
“Überhaupt, diese sogenannten ‚Mütter von Srebrenica‘: Denen glaube ich kein Wort, denen nehme ich die Trauer nicht ab. Wäre ich Mutter, ich trauerte alleine. Es gab die Mütter von Buenos Aires, sehr richtig, die hatten sich zusammengeschlossen und die Militärdiktatoren gefragt, was mit ihren Kindern geschehen ist. Aber diese billige Nachahmung ist scheußlich. Es gibt die Mütter von Buenos Aires, und das genügt.“

 

Mord als Kunst

Ich könnte mir vorstellen, dass ein Mord durchaus Bestandteil
eines Kunstwerks ist. Das Töten war und ist ausserhalb
des ethischen Urteils.“
– Hermann Nitsch

 

Eine verkehrte Welt



„Es gibt alternative Fakten.“
- Kellyanne Conway,
nicht Eric Blair ,alias George Orwell.

Die Wahrheit ist nicht immer die Wahrheit.
Es kann eine Auffassung davon geben! „
- Rudy Giuliani
(Was für eine wunderbare Art, Lügen zu beschreiben!)

Die Wahrheit hat eine Stimme.
Lügen kommen von Bauchrednern.

 

Die Vergangenheit neu schreiben

Wer oder was kann die Vergangenheit verändern?
Nicht einmal Derjenige, zu dem sie beten, kann das tun.
Eine Tat die in Bruchteil einer Sekunde abgeschlossen wird
ist sowohl Tatsache als auch Geschichte.

Wie Lady Macbeth sagte:
„Was getan wurde,
kann nicht rückgängig gemacht werden.“

Schmarrn!

Alles kann man wegwischen
und neu schreiben!

Warum soll man sich durch Fakten behindern
und verfolgen lassen.

Man muss nicht auf krasse Lügen zurückgreifen:
Halb-Wahrheiten genügen.

Es ist nicht ritterlich, Zivilisten zu ermorden.
Es ist nichts, worauf man stolz sein kann.

Aber wenn – Gott bewahre – es passiert ist,
vergiss es einfach, und versuch zu verhindern,
dass sich andere darüber Gedanken machen!

Das Leben ist viel angenehmer
wenn Du eine ehrenvolle Vergangenheit hast.
Und wenn Du keine hast, kannst Du eine erfinden.

Lass Dich nicht durch negative Ereignisse belasten?
Vergiss sie einfach!
Du kannst alle Datensätze löschen!

 

Die hohe Kunst der kreativen Grausamkeit

 

In der Schlussphase des Ersten Weltkriegs haben die Türken ein Verfahren „entwickelt“, das als der armenische Genozid in die Geschichte eingegangen ist. Angerblich waren die türkischen Armenier nicht loyal gegenüber dem türkischen Staat.

Die Türken haben dieses historische Verfahren einfach aus aus der Geschichte weggewischt. Wenn Journalisten und Autoren versuchen, sich mit diesen Ereignissen auseinanderzusetzen, laufen sie Gefahr, ins Jenseits befördert zu werden.

Die damaligen Täter haben sich nicht einfach nur als Barbaren benommen, sondern sie  haben die hohe Kunst der kreativen Grausamkeit gemeistert. Sie hat neue Wege gesucht, ihren Opfer Leid antun.

Die Sowjets unter Stalin haben einfach ihre Opfer verhungern lassen oder zum Tod durch Arbeit gezwungen. Das ist einfach primitiv und überhaupt nicht kreativ. Stalin hat überhaupt kein Feingefühl gehabt.

Die Nationalsozialisten sind von ihren türkischen Kollegen beeinflusst worden, und sie haben  die Tradition mit zahlreichen Innovationen weitergeführt.

Adolf Hitler ist vielleicht als Maler gescheitert, aber was der Massenmord betrifft, ist sein Ruf unangefochten.

Die Ustascha hat sich sehr bemüht, ihre Nazi-Verbündeten zu übertreffen, und in der Tat ist es ihr gelungen.

Die Japaner haben in Nanking erfolgreich mit allen anderen konkurriert. Die Franzosen haben in Algerien die Deutschen, die sie zuvor bekämpft haben, erfolgreich nachgeahmt.

Die Absolventen der School of the Americas in Fort Benning, Georgia haben die schönen Künste der Grausamkeit praktizierten bei südamerikanischen Linken und Liberalen.

Ratko Mladić und Radovan Karadžić, letzterer von Peter Handke als Dichter gelobt, hat hervorragende Arbeit beim Massenmord vollbracht. Das Schlachten von 8000 Männern und Buben ist keine einfache Sache, aber ihre Schergen haben hervorragende Arbeit geleistet.

Und so weiter und so fort. Die hohe Kunst der Grausamkeit lebt auch heute und wird nicht aussterben. Es wird sich sicherlich immer weiterentwickeln. Bedauerlicherweise gehen manche Täter zögerlich mit ihren Taten um, die sie und ihre Vorgänger  begangen haben. Sie haben die falsche Einstellung!

Warum soll man sich schämen? Diese Täter sind Künstler im wahrsten Sinne des Wortes. Innovation ist lobenswert, und Pioniere sollen immer stolz sein dürfen.

Japanische Utra-Rechte versuchen das Massaker von Nanking
aus der Geschichte wegzuwischen.
Gut gemacht, Leute!

 

-Timeless Padhi

von Herbert Kuhner am 19. Juni 2020 um 12:00
Veröffentlicht in: Poetry, Text, Translations

Eugen Bartmer ©
from
C’est la Vie
Bibliothek der Provence

 

Timeless Padhi

 

im 3. Jahrtausend angekommen
wird täglich mir bewusst
nun bin auch ich
endgültig ein alter Alter
die Wiener Mariahilferstraße dagegen
ist auffällig jünger geworden
im nachmittäglichen Passantengewühl
eines sonnigen Spätsommertages
kommt beim Virgin Megastore
wie ich mir einrede schicksalsgewollt
der einstige Undergroundstar
Padhi Frieberger
federnden Schrittes auf mich zu
sein Elan ist ungebrochen
und das Youngster-outfit
kokettiert mit dem Rap
nur im Gesicht
zeigen sich lila Äderchen
und Verwitterungsspuren
etlicher Jahrzehnte
– hallo Hipster lange nicht gesehen –
sagt er schmunzelnd
und berührt sogar
flüchtig meine Grußhand
doch sogleich befällt
gewohnt prophetischer Ernst
des coolen Methusalems Face and Voice –
nein nein
kein Wort über alte Zeiten
außerdem gibt es Zeit ja nicht
egal ob Augenblick oder Ewigkeit
wir leben immer im Jetzt
voll idiotisch was sich gerade so abspielt
kein Wort über alte Zeiten
außerdem gibt es Zeit ja nicht
egal ob Augenblick oder Ewigkeit
wir leben immer im Jetzt
ist allerdings voll idiotisch
was sich gerade so abspielt
schau sie an die Typen
die da gestresst rumirren
dressierte Sportkretins
oder ausgefressene Trottel
in Saufeder
aber sündteurer Konfektion
und Scheißen mit Handy natürlich
eine Inszenierung
Idioten für Idioten –
nach einigen
feierlichen Schweigesekunden
klärt er mich wie schon so oft
schonungslos
über bildende Kunst und Musik auf
erstmals geschah dies in der ADEBAR
ich glaube es war 1955
ganz und gar timeless Padhi
gerät er dabei
zunehmend in Erregung –
weißt Du für mich
zählen immer nur Protagonisten
nur sie sind Genies
dynamisch wahrhaft und unverbraucht
genau musst Du schauen
siehst Du die meine roten Haare
… eine Hommage
an Van Gogh
und Gerry Mulligan –

 

Timeless Padhi

Arriving in the 3rd millennium,
I am aware of it on a daily basis.
I have become an elderly old man,
unlike Mariahilferstrasse, which gets
noticeably younger in the afternoon
of a sunny summer day,
while passers-by head for
the Virgin Megastore, as I ruminate
about Padhi Frieberger,
the subterranean star
who approaches me with elan,
dressed to kill as usual, fine veins, ,
etched in his weather-beaten face:
Hello pal, long time no see,
says he with a smile
and the prophetic coolness
of his Methuselah-like voice,
and he fleetingly touches
my extended hand.
No, no, we won’t waste a word
about the past!
Now couldn’t be more idiotic!
Every word about the past
is a wasted word – besides,
we don’t have time
for a moment, or for eternity.
Look at those
who struggle and strain!
And look at sports-morons,
who are constantly in training,
and just take a gander
at the drunks and the gluttons,
as well as the boobs who are glued
to their cells phones,
idiots dealing with idiots!
Then after a solemn silence,
he clues me in
on what goes on in the art world,
just as he did in the ADEBAR,
way back in ’55.
Padhi is committed,
and he gets more worked up
as he goes along
depicting the present situation.
“I only identify with
tried-and-true brilliance.
Do you see traces
of red in my hair?
They are a tribute to
Van Gogh, Vivaldi
and Gerry Mulligan

translated by Herbert Kuhner

 

 

Der Hundefänger

der Hundefänger
geht wieder um
ich habe ihn gesehen
und es war kein Traum
an diesem hellen Tag
und wo er umgeht
hat Menschenblut
keinen Preis
und totgeglaubte Gespenster
werden wieder lebendig
noch leben wir
noch lachen wir
noch schlemmen wir
noch tanzen wir
noch reisen wir
noch wird vielen Ärschen
der Arsch vergoldet
doch ich habe
den Hundefänger gesehen
und es war kein Traum
an diesem hellen Tag
und wo er umgeht
ist auch der Kannibale
nicht weit

 

The Dog Catcher


the dog catcher
is at it again
I saw him
and it was not in a dream
on this sunny day
and wherever he is
there’s no price
on human blood
and ghosts that we thought
were dead
come back to life

we’re still alive
we’re still laughing
we’re still feasting
we’re still d
we’re still traveling
a lot of
are still gildI’ve seen the dog catcher
on this sunny day
and it was not in a dream
and wherever he is
the cannibal
is not so far off

 

 

Padhi Frieberger

 

 

-Too Much Cotton

von Herbert Kuhner am 20. April 2020 um 16:10
Veröffentlicht in: Film, Polemics, Text

Too Much Cotton

Orson Welles reaped great praise for Touch of Evil, a sloppy job compared with Kane, but nevertheless with moments of greatness like all post-Kane films.
A corpulent Welles plays a dishevelled cop, but he felt needed a bit of padding for the jowls, so cotton was the answer. The padding is too much of a bad thing. Guess the Kane make-up man was not available. Ditto for Brando’s elderly Mafioso in Godfather! His comeback got him an Oscar but you know that the cotton is there,
and knowing it as well as having it, makes chills run up and down your spine. It must have affected the acting in one way or another. Guess the Oscar jury ignored it. Master-actor Larry Olivier would have said: “Why don’t you try acting, dear boy?!” And he might have added: “Fire the makeup man!”

Touch-of-Evil-Menzies-Quinlan

 

Orson

I started at the top and worked my way down.
– Orson Welles

Orson Welles often pulled the chestnuts out of the fire,
but he threw them in just as often.

I saw Citizen Kane in 1955 at the 55th St Playhouse, which is off Seventh Ave. At the time it was still an “art house.” Years later it was transformed into a porn theater, like so many art houses. Perhaps there is a connection, since the old art houses showed European films in which there was sometimes a glimpse of nudity, the only glimpses in those puritanical days. Now those venues show the blow-by-blow blow-ups of the real McCoy.

 

 

No doubt about it, Orson was a bit of a mountebank and a conjurer, not to say impostor. In young years, he learned the tricks of a magician. That’s how he won Rita Hayworth. He put on a magic show and she was the decoration. Orson sawed her in half, and when he put her together again, she was so dazzled that she married him. A Hollywood star married a Hollywood man. He may have been a maverick, but he started out as a Broadway maverick and became a Hollywood maverick. Yes, you can’t imagine Welles without Hollywood, nor can you imagine Hollywood without Welles.

Orson was a wheeler-dealer who could talk people into doing things for him. He sold Harry Cohn of Columbia the idea of buying a book that he had spotted in a pocket book rack in a drugstore while on the phone. Harry bought the book and forked over forty grand to Orson, which was a lot of dough in the Forties. When read, the unread Lady turned out to be so lousy that Orson had to write the script form scratch. The only part of the book that survived in the film was the title.

Welles had put Harry Cohn on, and Harry would get even with him. The question is: Did Orson Welles the magician, at times, put the public on?

Orson, prior to Citizen Kane, was the greatest juggler of the performing arts that the world had ever seen, but after Kane he dropped balls all over the place. Before the age twenty-five, you may be able to bat around from radio shows to the theater and to the film studio, but after that, juggling becomes more difficult, and you have to hang around to complete a job until it’s finished to your satisfaction. But juggling well or badly wasn’t the whole story. Lady Luck had been Orson’s constant companion up to Kane, but afterwards she abandoned him and the magic went with her.

Biting off more than you can chew invariably means ending up with a stomach ache.

In Kane, Welles went about “inventing” cinema. Here’s what Gregg Toland, the great cameraman, had to say: “I want to work with someone who’s never made a movie. That’s the only way to learn anything – from someone who doesn’t know anything.” In other words, being new at the game, Welles was bound to do things that you shouldn’t do.

What Welles didn’t know, he learned. And he learned it like no one before or after him.

Here’s an example of direction by Orson: “Gregg, I want to see that light before the sun comes up. Toland replies “Well, we never have that in movies.” “We should,” says Orson. And Gregg went about doing what Orson had suggested. The result can be viewed in the all-night newspaper scene in Kane.

Welles hadn’t seen many films before directing Kane, and he didn’t see many after Kane.

 

 

His motivation: “Innocence is quite a serious concern. The better another man’s film may be, the more I stand to lose by seeing it. When I look through the camera, I need to look with my own innocent eye – to stand alone with every new scene, not in the company of other directors, however august.”

His aspiration: “I want to use he motion picture camera as an instrument of poetry.”

And his definition: “A film is a dream, but a dream is never an illusion.”

Kane was Joseph Cotten’s first film. He made his debut playing an aged Jedediah Leland in the famous hospital scene. “Orson, you promised to break me in gently. I’ll probably go on playing old men’s parts until I’m fifty, then people will say: “My, doesn’t Cotten preserve himself remarkably well. He hasn’t changed a bit in twenty years.”

The Goliath that David chose to strike down in Kane was William Randolph Hearst, the tabloid magnate, and probably the most powerful and influential man in America. By making Kane, David had struck Goliath and everything Goliath stood for, right smack on the temple with a celluloid stone. Goliath, the purveyor of reactionary mediocrity, got up swinging, and used his yellowsheet power to bring David down as a filmmaker.

A wounded Welles, got up to direct and act in other films, but the damage Hearst rendered was permanent.

Welles could never get it together again after Kane, or if he did get it together, others took apart.

There would be flashes of brilliance – but only flashes.

No doubt about it, Hearst was Kane’s model, but the film was more than a film à clef, and it transcended the biographical aspects. And it is much more than a statement about power and wealth.

In my opinion, as well as the opinion of many others, Kane was and is the greatest American film ever made, if not the greatest film of all time. The more it ages, he fresher it becomes. In these days of color, it makes the best case for the merits for the black and white film. And in these days of location scenes, it makes the best case for studio shots.

Sam Goldwyn of the Metro duo loved Kane, but Louis B. Mayer, the other half, at Hearst’s behest, tried to buy up all the copies to destroy them. Louis assayed the destruction of Kane after the Third Reich book bonfires in Berlin. The MGM mogul needs a good sophist in his corner to justify his American attempt.

Sam Goldwyn

Kane was not Gone with the Wind, which is nothing to be ashamed of. At the time it was a financial flop, with a little help from Hearst and his minions, but it would prove to be a major grosser in the long run. It may not be the greatest grosser of all time, but if you want to judge the quality of films – or books – by the amount of money they make, judging merit would be a very simple matter.

Welles had a terrific supporter in George Schafer, RKO studio head, but Kane would also bring about his downfall. You can compare Schafer to Maxwell Perkins, the great Scribners’ editor of Fitzgerald, Hemingway and Thomas Wolf, in the field of literature. And you can compare him to Paul Whiteman, the foremost promoter of jazz, as well as of composers like Gershwin and Grofé, in the field of music

Welles chose a Booth Tarkington novel as his second film subject. He continued his juggling act and his peripatetic habits, but managed to complete The Magnificent Ambersons to his satisfaction. Catastrophic comments by a teenage audience at a sneak preview put RKO in a dither, and the moguls got panicky. Welles the juggler was off in Brazil working on his documentary, It’s All True, which would never reach completion. Years later it would turn up as a fragment. In his absence Schafer was fired and replaced by Charles Koerner, who was the antithesis of Schafer. Koerner asked William Wyler to doctor up Ambersons, but Wyler, a man of integrity, refused out of respect for Welles. Jack Moss, Welles’ business manager and a true Judas, was the first to use the shears. Director Robert Wise also tampered with the film by cutting it and shooting new scenes. Robert Wise was Robert Dumb for consenting to bowdlerize a great director’s film. But bowdlerizing wasn’t enough for Koerner, who ordered the cut footage destroyed. Thus Koerner and Louis Mayer take the cake as the arch villains of the film industry. Instead of concentrating on the Ambersons situation, Welles was off fiddling with Journey into Fear, which he co-directed with Norman Foster. Foster needed Welles help since he couldn’t make heads or tails out of the slapdash script. Welles mourned that Journey had been “run through a broken lawnmower.” (That very same lawnmower was oft used on his films, and damn it, he failed to salvage the pre-lawnmowered versions.) Journey, ended up as a badly-cut pot boiler with a corpse turning up alive after it had been killed. Working slapdash and piecemeal can only lead to catastrophe, and it did for Welles.

Welles claimed that Ambersons, in its original form, was a better film than Kane. And I may be a smart aleck for saying this, but Welles should have been present to take care of his film, instead of being elsewhere. He couldn’t have stopped the mutilation of the film, but he could have saved the cut footage, at gunpoint if need be. An artist’s work is his spiritual property, and no one has the right to destroy it. But you can’t take care of your property if you’re not at the scene of the crime.

(Now, belatedly, the complete Magnificent Ambersons can be viewed – not the Welles film, however. A TV-film, based on the original screenplay, was shown in 2002, with a new director and cast.)

Orson-Welles

Welles was not the only one to fail to prevent cut film material from being discarded. John Huston’s Red Badge of Courage suffered the same fate as Ambersons. It was pared down to 68 minutes by MGM (Louis B. Mayer again) and ended up as the second half of a double-feature bill. Huston, who had directed commercially successful films, apparently couldn’t prevent the studio bosses from slicing away, and he too did not preserve the discarded material.

After a career of masterpieces like The Maltese Falcon, Fat City and Wise Blood, as well as mediocre commissions like “The Bible,”Huston ended his life by setting an example for all artists. As a dying man in a wheelchair, with an oxygen mask within reach, Huston tackled James Joyce’s unfilmable, The Dead. In the manner of great artists, he defied Death, but Death, always intent on being the Master, took him before he could complete it. His son Danny had to add the finishing touches. The result is an immortal film of an immortal story.

Erich von Stroheim, who expressed admiration for Kane after its premiere, was the precursor of Welles as a man of self-indulgence. He invariably overextended his shooting schedule and delivered films that went far beyond feature length. His films were paired down and, you guessed it, the cut material was not preserved. Thus Stroheim can only be judged by the fragmentary works that are left.

The question is: were these men more sinned against than sinning?

As an artist, I am on the side of the artist, but if an artist does not deliver work called for in his contract, he must share the blame for the consequences. The fates of Stroheim and Welles invite comparison. They were both directors who aided their adversaries in ruining their chances. Self-indulgence is the trait most helpful in achieving an artist’s downfall.

After Ambersons, Welles would make films with moments of brilliance, but he would never carry through as he did on Citizen Kane. And, like Stroheim, he lend himself to a lot of lulus.

There were many films that he couldn’t live down. Here’s Bosley Crowther in The New York Times describing Tomorrow Is Forever, a tearjerker starring Claudette Colbert and directed by Irving Pichel: “…a straight piece of Hollywood taffy, slightly saline and gooey clear through.” Orson’s comment: “I was deeply ashamed,”

After he left the United States, he also abandoned American themes, with the exception of Touch of Evil, something I regret, since he had handled them so well.

Macbeth was a quickie in the Scottish burr. The witches take an effigy of Welles out of their witches brew, and when Macduff deals the death blow to Macbeth, the effigy is beheaded by the witches in an insert. A brilliant slice of Welles.

Othello was made piecemeal with actors in the cast who could not speak English. As a remedy, Welles dubbed the voices of several characters with his inimitable organ. (Ditto for the dubbing of The Trial.) Compared to the brilliantly fluctuating soundtrack of Kane, these fall shorter than short. But there I go: comparing these shoestring efforts to the first technically-polished and properly-financed effort that has been deservedly called a masterpiece.

Welles had been born to play Iago. He had assayed the role previously, alias Harry Lime, opposite Joseph Cotten in The Third Man and, alias Caesare Borgia, opposite Tyrone Power in the Prince of Foxes. In Othello, he chose to play the Moor. It could very well be that he had become too bulky to play the slinky villain.

In Chimes at Midnight, Welles had accumulated the girth necessary for Falstaff, but in my view he took himself too seriously to be able to play a comic role.

In Touch of Evil, Welles owed his directing credit to Charlton Heston. He was hired to act in it, and when the studio approached Heston, he said: “Any picture that Orson Welles is directing, I‘ll be glad to be in.” So the studio promoted Welles in order to get Heston.

 

Touch was Heston’s only film that had a B-film budget – and unfortunately it was treated accordingly. The studio bosses weren’t very sanguine about the chances of the dark, seamy film that Welles had delivered.

Welles’ makeup added to the overall impression. He was hopelessly overweight, but that did not suffice. He padded his body and the cheeks of his stubbled face.

But no matter how thick the makeup, he could never disguise himself. Welles always seemed to be Welles, alias Kane and alias Harry Lime.

Here’s an incident related in Peter Bogdanovich’s This is Orson Welles.

Orson: “We had seven weeks of overnight shooting – beginning at night and ending at dawn – And I’ll never forget Chuck Heston one night, at the end of those of those seven weeks seven weeks. He was on the far side of the bridge, and I told him to quickly cross over in a shot. Dawn was about to rise and he said, without irony or anger, very sweetly “Do you mind telling me why I’m crossing the bridge?” And I said, “No. just cross the bridge, and when you get here I’ll tell you.”

Peter: “You were losing light –“

Orson: “Yes – that’s why he was crossing the bridge, as I later explained to him.”

In Touch Marlene Dietrich tells Orson’s corrupt cop, “You’re a mess, baby.” That comment became a famous quote and dogged Orson for the rest of his life.

In Mr. Arkadin Welles made a mess. He assessed the film as “a flawed masterpiece…a disaster,” actually a contradiction in terms. Mercury-Player Joseph Cotten, installed his wife Patricia Medina in Arkadin. Mrs. Cotten was a B-film actress who bestowed a B-film aura to any film she appeared in.

(Charles Bronson carried on the tradition by stipulating that Jill Ireland’s name be inserted in every film contract. Mrs. Bronson was a desirable, sloe-eyed beauty, but her acting left a lot to be desired. Cotten and Bronson may have been ideal husbands, but they were guilty of film nepotism in the first degree.)

And again the old lawnmower had been brought into play.

Welles opens The Trial by reading The Doorkeeper off screen to abstract shades of black and white, a masterful rendition of the Kafka story. After the magnificent prologue, Tony Perkins looks out of place scurrying through European rubble and ruins in a Madison Avenue suit.

And so on.

In order to finance these efforts, there were many small parts in incidental films. Welles, the elder actor, said of himself: “They hire me when they have a bad film and they want a little class. I chip away a little of myself each time.”

However, Welles turned down a million dollars for a starring role in Caligula in 1980. The producer was Playboy Enterprises directed by Tinto Brass. After Welles read the Gore Vidal script, he had a premonition of the violent stinkbomb that would emerge and said “No.” Since this major venture, Brass has gone back to making spaghetti porn, with the emphasis on the physical attribute that rhymes with his last name.

Welles said that he’d rather be behind the camera than in front of it. Indeed he was not what you would call a versatile actor and was often accused of overacting. But whether good or bad, he was always interesting to watch, and the mellifluous voice was always worth listening to.

And no matter what film he was in, film, he did “add a bit of class.”

Here’s Welles’ theory on screen presence as expressed by Akim Tamiroff: “De box looks at vun fellow, and de box says ‘Yes, dot vun is for me!’ It looks at annoder, and it says, ‘Nawww!’”

He mentions Gary Cooper as actor who could do no wrong in any film. And come to think of it, he was right. The camera loved Gary.

I always enjoyed reading Pauline Kael, who left us at the ripe old age of 82. Her tastes weren’t my tastes, and she was never in my good books, but her descriptions of actors and scenes in films were brilliant. I’ve often wondered why critics who write so well don’t write fiction. But when she bashed Welles as director of Citizen Kane, she took a place in my bad books, right next to arch-villains Louis B. Mayer and Charles Koerner.

Imagine, trying to rob Welles of his one masterpiece! In Raising Kane, she claimed that Welles lifted the script from co-scriptwriter Herman Mankiewicz and took credit for the contributions of other members of his staff.

Let me interject that his older contemporaries barred young Picasso from their studios. They were afraid that he’d steal their ideas. He may have indeed have taken from others, but there is no doubt that Picasso was Picasso. And here’s Picasso on stealing: “It’s a poor artist who borrows – a good artist steals.”
It is true that Manky knew intimate Hearst details, which he passed on to Welles. The “Rosebud” emblazoned on young Foster’s sled is alleged to be the pet name Hearst used for Marion Davies’ Holy of Holies.

I wasn’t there to witness the situation, but I know that whatever Welles took from others, only he, Orson Welles, and no one else, could have put Kane together. The making of a film is and isn’t an individual business. It entails teamwork.

The film bears the mark of Orson Welles, who captained the finest team that anyone could put together.

When weighing the work of Welles, the Mercury and other theater productions should be placed on the scales. But unfortunately, in contrast to film, this ephemeral medium is only retained in photos, reviews and memory.

Welles keeps turning up in my writing and in my thoughts. I may have brought some negative aspects into this sketch, but they could never unfocus my admiration for a singularly great director and personality.

Quotes and information from Orson Welles and Peter Bogdanovich: This is Orson Welles, HarperCollins, 1993.

 

The Son of Kane

 

You couldn’t film a prequel to Citizen Kane because the film begins with Kane’s childhood, and you can‘t film a sequel since the film ends with his death. So The Return of Kane is out. The only other possibilities are The Son of Kane or Kane’s daughter.

“What’s that? Kane died childless?

“Don’t be ridiculous! A son or daughter could very well show up. It wouldn’t be the first time progeny came out of the blue. The mother has to know – but not necessarily the father!

There was The Son of Monte Cristo, The Son of Robin Hood. The Son of Ali Baba and The Son of Frankenstein. There were sons galore, including the Sons of King Kong and Godzilla. Ditto for daughters. There was The Daughter of Rosie O’Grady and The Daughter of Dr. Jekyll, So why shouldn’t there be The Son of Kane – and maybe a daughter-sequel to that.

The intellectual crowd is a cinch, since they’ll want to see how the Kane story develops. They’re not to be scoffed at. After all they keep Woody Allen afloat, don’t they? And we’ll make the film appealing to the average moviegoer. He wants to see a classy film, now and then, just to prove that he’s not lowbrow.

“Now Listen! Kane was shot in black and white, and there was no nudity in those days. We’ll shoot the Son-film in color and spice it up with some nude scenes. We’ll see to it that the sequel is even better than the original.

Junior will be modeled on Murdoch, but we’ll be sure to show his good side. That way, we’ll avoid the kind of trouble that Hearst caused for the Welles Film.

How can we miss? This one will be in the bag. And then we’ll see what we can do with the daughter?

-Herbert Kuhner

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Herbert Kuhner ist Übersetzer von neun Sammlungen österreichischer Lyrik, darunter Austrian Poetry Today / Österreichische Lyrik heute. Schocken Books, New York; Carinthian Slovenian Poetry, Hermagoras Verlag, Klagenfurt / Slavica Publishers, Columbus, Ohio; Hawks and Nightingales: Current Burgenland Croatian Poetry, Braumüller Verlag, Wien / Slavica Publishers, Columbus, Ohio.

Contact

Prof. Herbert Kuhner
Writer/Poet/Translator
Gentzgasse 14/4/11
1180 Vienna
Austria
emails: herbert.kuhner@chello.at
T +43 (0)1 4792469
Mob +43 (0)676 6705302 (new)


see also:
wienerblut (third reich recycled)
www.harrykuhner.at (Harry´s Memoir)

A Review of
Harry Kuhners Jazz Poetry
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excerpt: Assembly-Line Prince click picture to find out more...                  

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