Our Man in Vienna

Being Partisan

 

Excuse me for being partisan!
As far as libertines are concerned,
liberals assert that what consenting adults do
is their own business.
Liberals, however, are a boring batch.
There are seldom fireworks in their quarters.

Most of the fireworks seem to be exploding
in Conservative quarters.

For profligates and roués matrimony
seems to serve as a cover for shenanigans.
Who would suspect a hubby
who fills an empty suit
of engaging in hanky-panky?

The yellow press is hungry for lurid fodder.
Muckraking journalists lay in wait
to catch secret profligates in flagrante.

Alas, not all Conservatives and Evangelicals
are leading Simon-pure lives.

Not everything is as it seems to be.
As a matter of fact,
as far as morality is concerned,
everything is topsy-turvy.

Again and again a respectable paragon
is exposed as what he has been bashing.

Here’s the rub:
The divorce rate in Conservative Red States
is higher than in Liberal Blue States.
The rate in Massachusetts,
the most permissive of all,
is the lowest in the nation.

Now the Conservatives have banned abortion.
Yes, getting it on the sly
beats the liberal approach.

Alas, the skeletons in closets
of the Grand Old Party are more populated
than those of their Democrat counterparts.

You explain it to me!
I’m just relating it.
I don’t have a handle on it.

 

– Herbert Kuhner